Thứ Hai, 31 tháng 8, 2015


Hi Mia and Julie,

Out of all the potential sleeping places in the house, I’m pretty sure your four-legged companion would prefer to sleep in your bed! Does yours?

The decision to let your pet into your bed is a topic that often divides owners, but it might just be more common than you think. Around half of pet owners sleep alongside their pets. The luckiest seem to be dogs (although Great Danes probably miss out here) and cats. It is believed that around 40-50% of pet owners sleep alongside their pets - many of whom, go to extreme lengths to accommodate them (like the guy below). 

Yet for such a common practice, we know relatively little about how and why people do it, or the implications. Do dog and cat owners jeopardise their sleep quality to accommodate their animal companions in their bed or bedroom? Think about when your dog needs to go out for a pee at 2am, or wakes you before your alarm goes off in the morning because they are ready to play, or hungry for breakfast. Or what about the point in the night when the cat decides your face is the most comfortable place to sleep? After all, dogs and cat have completely different sleep needs and circadian rhythms to humans, and are much more sensitive to stimuli, even when asleep. 


A lot of the information that exists on this topic tends to focus on the health and hygiene implications (e.g. transfer of diseases, asthma and allergies). This is something I can related to. The day my wife and I watched our border collie roll around in fresh poo was the day we knew she was never going to join us in our bed…ever! But in reality, there is no real health risks, so long as you keep your pet clean and healthy.

I have been involved in several studies with colleague of mine, Dr Kirrilly Thompson, seeking to gain an understanding of this topic. First, in a survey of the sleep behaviours of 10,000 Australians, we gained some preliminary insight. We found that around 1 in 10 Australians bed-shared with their pet (this excluded those that allow their animals to sleep on the bedroom floor). 

We found 3 ways that human sleep practices were impacted:
  1. It took pet bed-sharers longer than non-pet bed-sharers to get to sleep 
  2. Pet bed-sharers woke up more tired, and 
  3. Pet bed-sharers were more likely to be woken during the night from dogs barking and animal noises.

It seems that there is a lot to this relationship, and many people are willing to make sacrifices to their own sleep. Maybe its because our pets provide us with a sense of security and comfort, or perhaps it’s the only way to keep the animal from causing more problems!

In a follow-up study, with our honours student Peta Hazelton, we conducted the first in-depth look into human-dog co-sleeping. The study, which included an Australian only sample, revealed the rate of human-dog co-sleeping was high (69%) amongst the 1,328 dog owners we sampled.

The most common dog sleeping location was in the bedroom, on top of the covers (34%), followed by in the bedroom on the floor (22%), in the house but not in the bedroom (21%), in the bed and under the covers (13%), and 10% of dogs slept outside. Heat map images revealed when two people are in a double (or larger) bed, dogs frequently slept between, or at the feet of couple. When one person is in a double (or larger) bed, dogs generally slept at chest level, presumably opposite participants. For those in a single bed, the dog often slept on the floor beside the bed.

So why do dog owners choose to bed share? 
The study revealed that people's motivations to co-sleep are diverse, with responses including for dog behavioural issues (barking or destructive behaviours if not in the bedroom), health reasons (needed to keep seizure alert dog nearby), owner’s attitude (viewing the dog as a family member or ‘pack’), factors out of their control (participant’s human sleeping partner or the dog made the decision), logistics (nowhere else for the dog to sleep), routine or habit (not wanting to disrupt the dog’s nightly routine), and becoming dependant on the dog’s presence to sleep (as well as feeling the dog did not disrupt sleep, therefore no need to alter the arrangement).

But not all dog owners felt the same, with many reasons given as to why they chose not to co-sleep with their dog. These included, dog behavioural issues (wanting to avoid the dog developing dominant or dependent behaviour), health (co-sleeping would provoke allergies or is unhygienic), disruptive behaviours (the dog is too restless), interpersonal relationships (human sleeping partner would not allow it or it would impede intimacy), dog characteristics (size of the dog), owner’s attitude (the dog doesn’t belong in the house), and logistics (owning too many dogs to co-sleep).  
Location of dog’s sleeping position (chest) for participants that slept on a double, queen or king size bed and two people in the bed, n = 517
In the end, co-sleeping (with whatever species) naturally disturbs our sleep, yet people continue to do it. But given all the health benefits of pet ownership, the good certainly outweighs the bad. It’s up to the individual owner whether they choose to co-sleep with their animal/s, or not.

We are currently in the process of conducting another study (with our honours student Jessica Mack), this time focussing on the impact of co-sleeping on sleep quality and quantity. 

If you are one of the many dog owners that bed-share with your dog, we would love if you could complete our online survey and share it with others who might be interested.

Access the survey here: tinyurl.com/humandogcosleeping

Tell us - where did your dog sleep last night?

Dr Bradley Smith BPsych(Hons) PhD 
Lecturer & Senior Post-doctoral Research Fellow
Appleton Institute, School of Human Health & Social Sciences 
CQUniversity Adelaide, Australia


If you found this interesting, you may also enjoy our previous guest post by Bradley Smith: Take a walk on the wild side: Dingo science, or see all of our guest contributors.

Further information:

Smith, B., Thompson, K., Clarkson, L., Dawson, D. (2014). The prevalence and implicationsof human-animal co-sleeping in an Australian sample. Anthrozoös, 27 (4), 543–551.

There is a Channel 7 Today Tonight segment relating to human-animal co-sleeping that aired on Jan 29, 2015:

 © 2015 Bradley Smith | Do You Believe in Dog?

Thứ Sáu, 28 tháng 8, 2015

If you've visited the Berkeley Humane Society in the last two years, there's a strong chance you've met a cat or dog who's been cared for by Tami or Tom (respectively). The Berkeley couple's living situation prohibits them from having pets at home, but after passing by the shelter on the way to nearby Ironworks so many times, they turned to volunteering. For them, it's a natural way to help animals while, in Tami's words, "also getting our puppy/kitty 'fix'."

Tami and Tom have been donating their time and energy
to Berkeley Humane since 2013
With so much love and attention spread generously across all the animals they've come in contact with, there have been a few standout personalities over the years.

In Tami's case, one of them very nearly was a rock star: "Pat Benatar," as she was known at the shelter, "Was an amazing polydactyl kitty who loved to play by chasing my hand under the towel in her cage. She would pounce on it with both of her enormous front paws...so cute! Her personality was much larger than her small frame." Tami was lucky to be on site the day that Pat Benatar was adopted – by a runner for the studio where Metallica records! Talk about namesake pairing.

Recently, Tom got to work with Oktoberfest, "just a big lovable beast with a great spirit." Hopefully you can learn more about Oktoberfest's new family in a future Going Home post, because he was adopted out! His happy energy is forever captured through this video (and not just through his commitment to tennis balls):


But a good dog is a good dog, and size doesn't matter for which canines make volunteering so uplifting. "I also volunteer Monday nights at Puppy Kindergarten training," Tom says. "Puppies are of course another super fun part of our volunteer work." (Author's Note: I dare you to imagine "Puppy Kindergarten" without smiling.)

Unsurprisingly, the regular act of letting go can be tough. "If I am lucky, I only see each animal once," Tami said. Yet, envisioning the cats' and dogs' futures helps. "When I see a kitty week over week I do get attached, but once I find out from Staff who has adopted them, I can imagine what their new home may be like and it helps to let them go."

The other reality to preparing Berkeley Humane's animals is filling in their incomplete pasts enough to properly serve the animal. "The ones that are skittish or difficult to approach can be challenging," Tom admitted. "Especially since we never really know their history. Overcoming bad experiences is probably one of the biggest challenges we face."

Often, it's by the sheer wills of volunteers like Tami and Tom that these dogs and cats get a new starting point to launch from. It's why they do what they do. "I love seeing the adoption board full of familiar names," Tami says. "It's particularly gratifying when I see a name of an animal I know has been harder to adopt out."

"Volunteering has increased my joy and empathy and helps remind me every week to slow down," Tami says.

Tom holding the Puppy Kindergarten Valedictorian
"Completely agree," adds Tom. "So much of life gets away from us with stress being a constant drain. Spending time with the animals is a great way to reset the week and enjoy moments with some four-legged friends."


The two feel so rejuvenated by volunteering that it's truly integrated into their own well-being as humans, and they don't view it as time consuming. "Tami and I volunteer during the same shift, and it fits nicely in with our usual routine for that day. With the dogs, it honestly goes by so fast – sometimes I don't even have enough time to spend with each animal."

"It's been easy to commit to because it's baked into my schedule and I know I can rely on it. On the weeks I have to cancel, I really miss being there." Tami says.

In between all those weekly visits to Berkeley Humane, Tami and Tom also recommend working at least one event a year. "[It] really inspires us because we get to see how the organization has a positive effect on the community."

It's win-win-win with these two, the cats and dogs they care for, and Berkeley Humane! Many thanks to Tami and Tom for all of their hard work and dedication.


Tami and Tom are just part of the excellent volunteer team that keeps Berkeley Humane running. From animal volunteers to videographers to truck drivers – if you've got the time, there's probably a talent you can lend, too. For more information, visit our Volunteer page!

Thứ Ba, 25 tháng 8, 2015


Rudy on adoption day, and turning 1yr old
Rudy turned 1 year old this month. 

It was a day to reflect on how he's grown over the seven months we've shared with him, while we've been #RaisingRudy

(If you haven't heard of Rudy - catch up here)

He's still quite a goose of a puppy on most days, but we can see more of the dog he is becoming and, put simply, we adore him. 

To think back to the pup we took from the regional shelter who was very nervous about traffic and reconcile it with the 42kg (92lb) canine we share our days with, who shares the trampoline with my daughter, enjoys quiet moring river walks with me, will lie down and relax at cafes, play with every dog and greet every person at the dog park... Well, it's something! 
Do other people wonder if their dog should be a unicorn?!


Whenever we take Rudy out in public, he attracts comment.

"What IS HE?"

My answers have varied from sensible (a mix of sight hound breeds, like an English lurcher), to ludicrous (Muppet crossed with a Bunyip). But given the frequency of this question and my own curiosity,  I decided to celebrate Rudy's first birthday with a visit to our lovely local vet for a small blood sample (no problem at all, we'd prepared by practising voluntary leg holds at home with food reinforcement) and a Mixed Breed Identification DNA test.


We'll have the results within a couple of weeks, but while we wait, I thought it might be fun for all of us to place bets on what you think Rudy's got in him. 

I've tried to include photos here that show you all his body parts that might help with identification. And also, you know, my dog is cute, so there's that.

I'll be back in a couple of weeks with the full low down on the science of DNA tests, what they can tell us about mixed breed dogs and Rudy's results. 

If you can't see the poll below the photos, just click here to participate.

Look forward to seeing your guesses!

Mia

p.s. You can catch Julie and I joining Caren Cooper and Brian Hare for #citscichat on Twitter later this week. Details are here.

p.p.s. You can join me for an online lecture about 'Why is Animal Welfare Important to Dogs?' later this week too, CEUs available, hosted by E-Training for Dogs. Details are here.
On his first birthday
9 mths old
Turning 1 is a tough business


What dog breeds do you think are represented in Rudy?

Afghan Hound
Airedale Terrier
Beagle
English Foxhound
German Shepherd
Golden Retriever
Great Dane
Greyhound
Irish Setter
Irish Wolfhound
Labrador Retreiver
Pomeranian
Saluki
Scottish Deerhound
Whippet
Other
Please Specify:
Poll Maker

Thứ Sáu, 21 tháng 8, 2015

The Third Annual Bark (& Meow) Around the Block on August 15th was a phenomenal, record-breaking success.

Twenty Bay Area rescue groups joined together at Berkeley Humane to "Clear the Shelters" with support from NBC Bay Area. This is the first year that Bark (& Meow) has partnered with NBC's Clear the Shelters event, which helped over 17,000 animals get adopted nationwide.

We were so happy to see so many community members join us for food, drink, dancing, raffle drawings, games, and (of course) meeting adoptable dogs, cats, rabbits, and birds.


Bark & Meow Around the Block captured hearts online as well as in person: Cute Overload chose us at their ResQte of the Week! Check out their photos and videos of the event!

Berkeley Humane alone facilitated 48 adoptions, breaking our own record of the highest number of adoptions to take place within six hours.

Picture by Berkeley Humane Adoption Specialist Krista May Carpenetti
Across all rescue groups, 135 animals went home with delighted adopters. That total smashes last year's record!

 

Enthusiastic thanks go out to the event's committee members, whose tireless efforts since spring brought about this successful event:
  • Event Chair: Catherine Culhane
  • Logistic Chair: Rosemary Dutra
  • Adoptions Chair: Erin Chandler
  • Marketing Chair: Melissa Mangini
  • Hoopla Chair: John Culhane
  • Raffle Chair: Emily Murphy
  • Sponsorship Chairs: Amy Ertekin & Tatiana Ware
  • Volunteer Chair: Jin Yoo
 
Sponsors also helped make the event sing, from advertising to prize donations.
  • NBC Bay Area
  • Whole Foods Market
  • Pet Food Express
  • Berkeley Police Association
  • Berkeley Dog & Cat Services
  • SnapLogic
  • Alpha Dog Marketing
  • The Rare Barrel
  • Lions Club
  • Kruse Plumbing
  • Kaiser Permanente Thrive
  • Rosemary Dutra, Intero Real Estate
  • Monty Lee, EA
  • Celery Design Collaborative
  • DogTrekker.com
  • Berkeley Chamber of Commerce
We'd particularly like to thank the Berkeley Lions Club who, in addition to being a sponsor, arrived early in the morning to offer hours of back-breaking labor to set up the event.
 

Thanks again to the volunteers and community members who joined us on Saturday. Berkeley Humane works every day to support and provide animal welfare resources to the community, and Saturday was a great reminder of how the community supports us, too.

See you next year at Bark (& Meow) Around the Block!


Thứ Tư, 19 tháng 8, 2015

Happy Woof Wednesday!

So many animals found homes this past weekend at Bark & Meow Around the Block! We'll give you a closer look at the record-setting adoption numbers later in the week. To celebrate Woof Wednesday, here's a barking tale about a small pup who also found a wonderful home a few months back.

Meet Snaggle, formerly Irish Red.

How adorable is Snaggle? Those ears, those eyes, and best of all, that tooth! Not every dog can pull off a snaggle tooth with such style but as you can see, Snaggle does it with ease.





Here's a note from Snaggle's adopter Kathy, who had this to say:

"I renamed Irish Red.  He is now, officially, Snaggle, because of his snaggle tooth.  He is a wonderful dog and he truly was meant to be here.  We have gone to see our vet and I signed him up for training.  Thank you for bringing us together."

Thank you for the update Kathy! Here's to Snaggle and working on those training commands.

Did you find a special friend at Bark & Meow Around the Block this past weekend? Update us about your Berkeley Humane adoption story on Facebook, or send us a note!

If you're looking for new friends to love, visit Berkeley Humane Friday through Sunday from 11am to 5pm. Our website has great information on the adoption process and our available cats and dogs.

Thứ Sáu, 14 tháng 8, 2015

SAT. AUGUST 15, 10AM - 4PM
NINTH & CARLETON STREETS, BERKELEY
Open to the public. Free to attend.
  • Adoptable Animals
    Dogs, puppies, cats, kittens, bunnies, and birds!
  • Great Food & Beer
    Grilled Cheez Guy, Fist of Flour pizza, Whole Foods serving sandwich wraps, Skylite Snowballs, The Mead Kitchen, Green Flash, and Lagunitas.
  • Games & Activities 
    Bouncy house, face painting, toy making, caricature portraits, hacky-sack toss, fortune telling, dress-up photobooth, and more!
  • Live music
    The 415s will be jamming!
  • Fantastic Raffle Prizes
    Plenty of chances to win all kinds of raffle prizes! There's something for everyone.
  • Fun Products
    From eco-friendly stuffable pet beds, to vitamin gravy, to cupcakes and treats for pups, it's time to pamper your pooch with these goodies!
  • Dog-Friendly
    Well-behaved and harnessed dogs welcome! In fact, we'll have plenty of yummy dog biscuits, water bowls, and even activities—including hotdog bobbing and a rally course—to entertain your pooch.

Thứ Tư, 12 tháng 8, 2015


Hello and welcome to a particularly triumphant Woof Wednesday! Today we're proud to introduce you to Misha, a very special dog.

Misha, who was known as Miss Rose while she was within Berkeley Humane's care, came to California by way of Arizona. It's truly a credit to Misha's sweet-hearted tenacity that she made the journey.

Originally discovered by Rural Area Veterinary Services (RAVS) on an Arizona reservation, Misha showed clear signs of ongoing torment. Despite rocks being thrown at her, she remained friendly and patient to the RAVS veterinarians.

A great bulk of RAVS' work consists of traveling to rural areas to provide spays, neuters, and other services to stray and feral animals. Seeing potential in Misha's kind disposition, RAVS reached out to Berkeley Humane's Medical Director Dr. Sarah Reidenbach to ask if Misha could be taken care of here in Northern California.

Misha's soulful eyes
Hundreds of miles later, Berkeley Humane gave Misha a thorough examination. She was independent (not a surprise given what she'd been through!), extremely gentle, and suitable for adoption. Though Misha had been a mother multiple times over, that was not the most obvious manifestation of her survival instincts. Misha's teeth were severely fractured – some worn down to the gumline – from eating rocks to survive.  Internally, Misha had contracted ehrlichia, a bacterial infection from ticks that prevents blood from clotting properly. Because of her poor blood health, Berkeley Humane had to wait to spay her. 

As Berkeley Humane Marketing Manager Sherry Liu recalls:
"In addition to all the tests, caring for her, and nursing her back to health so we can safely spay her, we also extracted eleven teeth to end her pain. 
After a month-long treatment-recovery process, she was ready to be adopted, then we found her a home."
Ready for adoption!
Since leaving Berkeley Humane, Misha has entered a home with new canine (and feline!) friends, a welcoming environment for play, and a basket full of toys:

"Miss Rose is now...Misha! Which means 'God-like.' seemed appropriate somehow. She is GREAT! Has fit in with our two dogs right away, even has started to play...we have a big basket of toys and she has gone over and pulled a few out after watching the other two. :-)

Misha in her foster home prior to adoption
 "She runs through the house with them and they all use my bed as a trampoline. She claimed the big overstuffed chair immediately as hers and it is now no other's.

"We love her and are so grateful you all took her in and took such good care of her."

Looking ahead to a bright future
Misha's tale is both a testimony of the inner strength of dogs and a heartwarming example of humans giving her a second chance. Misha is also a great example of how hard Berkeley Humane works to save adoptable animals.

We wish Misha and her new family – Melissa, Olivia, Sammie, Rosie, Curry, and Mimi – continued strength, love, and spontaneous fun!


Awed by Misha's tale? Please consider donating. Your contribution helps Berkeley Humane find and help animals like Misha.

Thứ Hai, 10 tháng 8, 2015

Part one of our story explored the pet loss support group held every third Tuesday of the month at Berkeley Humane’s shelter. Anyone who has lost a pet, or is preparing to lose a pet with failing health, is welcome to stop by and share (or simply listen).

Losing a pet can dramatically impact your life. If you’re struggling with the loss of a loved animal, here are some coping suggestions from pet loss support group founder and co-facilitator Jill Goodfriend, RN, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and Grief Recovery Specialist for Pet Loss.


Jill’s advice for grieving pet owners:
  • Be aware that grief is very stressful on the body, so you need to take good care of yourself. Attend to good nutrition and adequate water, rest, and daily exercise (consider a walk in nature); get a physical exam; and minimize the use of substances to numb the pain. Contact your doctor if you lose your appetite, lose or gain weight, have difficulty falling asleep or resting, or feel anxious much of the time.
  • Honor your emotions and find ways to express them. Get into your parked car with the windows rolled up and weep, cry, scream, let the pain out. Breathe deeply and often.
  • Set aside some time each day for the specific purpose of grieving and remembering. Honor your feelings: talk, share, journal, write letters to your pet (and have him write back to you using your non-dominant hand); go out in nature and be open to all your senses.
  • Create an altar inside and/or outside your home to honor your pet. Include his collar, favorite toy, photo, a candle, and a flower.
  • Find some reason every day to smile and laugh. Recall amusing or funny memories of your pet.
  • Keep a journal, create a scrapbook or photo album, make a list of what you learned from your pet. Take up expressive arts: draw, paint, sculpt, dance, move. Sign up for yoga, tai chi, chi gong, dance class, or a martial arts course.
  • Attend and participate in support groups and workshops. Reach out to others who understand and care. Visit chat rooms online. Write a biography or obituary of your pet on a web site. Actively plan how you would like to memorialize your pet, such as planting a flower or a tree in memory of your pet. Create your own rituals.
  • Participate in the “Virtual Candle-Lighting Ceremony” on www.petloss.com at 7pm on Monday nights.
  • Try to avoid making major life decisions for several months. Be patient with short-term memory problems and decision-making. Look around, focus, be aware, center yourself, feel your feet on the ground, and take a deep breath before driving or operating heavy machinery.
  • Some people find prayer and meditation helpful. Talk with a pastor or priest or consider seeing a professional counselor. Don’t minimize the depth of your feelings.
  • Get involved. Volunteer at an animal shelter: walk dogs or socialize kittens, consider fostering, answer phones. (Check out Berkeley Humane's volunteer opportunities.)
  • Find one activity each day that brings you joy and pleasure. Avoid isolation: we are social beings who need to connect with each other.
  • Accept all of your feelings and know that they will likely change. Work toward letting go of self-recrimination, guilt, and anger. Practice gratitude and forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness.
  • Consider other losses, small or large, that you have experienced. Recall how you faced them and worked through them while discovering inner strengths, resources, and resilience. You can’t get over it, or around it, or over it, you’ve got to go through it — through the grief.
  • Accept that you will likely never stop feeling your loss, but you will learn to integrate it into your life. Trust that the holes in your heart, in your soul and in your life will eventually heal. Scar tissue is tough. In time you will feel stronger and more resilient. Your capacity to love and be loved unconditionally will be greater than ever.
Image courtesy of the Berkeley Humane website

If you can’t wait for the next pet loss support group, many websites and hotlines are available to help. Here are just a few options:

Jill has many additional resources and is glad to share them with anyone who attends the support group at Berkeley Humane

Thứ Sáu, 7 tháng 8, 2015

Join Berkeley Humane and Fieldwork Brewing Company for the release of a very special beer.

Our Mobile Adoption Center will be at Fieldwork Saturday, August 8 from 2-5PM to celebrate the release of Fetch Pale Ale. We're bringing some cheerful, adoptable canines to the event. Who knows? You might even spot some dogs playing fetch while people sip Fetch!

Beer sales benefit Berkeley Humane: Fieldwork is donating $1 from every glass and $2 out of every growler full of Fetch.

We hope to see you Saturday, August 8 at Fieldwork, 1160 Sixth Street!

Thứ Tư, 5 tháng 8, 2015

Happy Woof Wednesday!

Today we have a fun update on another Berkeley Humane graduate. Meet Dexter, a statuesque young pup formerly known as Buster.

Dexter’s adopter Macaela sent us this note and some photos showing his remarkable transformation – though, it looks like some things haven’t changed, at least as far as his adorable ears are concerned:


“They grow up so fast! Our not so little pup Dexter (aka Buster) has finally grown into his ears.” 



Thanks so much, Macaela, for keeping us updated! We are always thrilled to hear how our animals are doing after leaving Berkeley Humane. And we definitely love photos! If you’d like to hear more about Dexter, you can see our previous post here.


Thinking of adopting an animal this summer? Your timing is perfect because Bark & Meow Around the Block is coming up on Saturday, August 15.

Mark your calendars!

Also, we are open for adoptions throughout the weekend - 11 am to 5 pm on Friday-Sunday at Berkeley Humane (2700 Ninth Street, Berkeley CA 94710; 510-845-7735).

Thứ Hai, 3 tháng 8, 2015

Once upon a time I had the best cat ever. His name was Beeper.

His death from kidney failure at age 17 was devastating. It doesn’t matter that he died four years ago; I can still cry as freely today as I did then.

Registered Nurse, Clinical Social Worker and Grief Recovery Specialist Jill Goodfriend had her own best cat ever.

In her June 2012 piece To Honor Aja Katrina:The Creation of Pet Loss Support Groups, Goodfriend describes the way her cat Aja’s death inspired the creation of her long-running pet loss support group:
“The apartment felt hollow, empty. Her toys were still scattered around, food and water bowls untouched, wisps of her hair everywhere. I needed to talk and cry. I needed a compassionate someone, who understood our unique bond, to listen. Gratefully I found Betty Carmack’s support group in San Francisco, and another in Marin, but surprisingly none in the East Bay. I vowed that when my grief healed sufficiently I would create a pet loss support group to honor Aja Katrina. And I did.”
Jill has offered groups at various Bay Area locations and finally found a home at Berkeley Humane ten years ago. Each month on the third Tuesday, the group welcomes anyone to drop in and share their loss, no matter how recent or distant. It's also an excellent resource for those preparing for a pet's imminent death. 

“Berkeley Humane has been so supportive,” says Jill. “Another location started at the same time put us in a windowless, hot room without a fan after the air conditioning had been turned off for the night, and failed to advertise the group, so no one came. But Berkeley Humane welcomed us from the beginning, rent-free, and has included our group on their website. They’ve been great to work with.”

Candles to honor the pets we miss
One evening in June I headed to Berkeley Humane. As a volunteer I’m familiar with the shelter’s front room, but Jill and her co-facilitator Sylvia Wenninger transformed it into a welcoming place to grieve. Jill organized a centerpiece of softly glowing electric candles. No matter which seat I chose in the circle, a box of tissues was close at hand to absorb tears. Stuffed animals offered comfort and a bittersweet reminder of the pets we’d lost.

Attendance varies: over the last year the group welcomed an average of seven mourners each month. The evening I attended was an intimate affair that gave us all a chance to share our stories, ask each other questions, and receive counseling on healing actions that might help us.

Stuffed animals and tissues.
Each month Jill or Sylvia select a new piece dealing with pets and loss. This reading, followed by a moment of silence, opens each meeting. Soon I was passing around my pictures of Beeper and sharing stories about my best cat ever. My audience listened intently (in fact, one of the rules is no interrupting while someone speaks) and passed me tissues when I dissolved into inarticulate tears.

Two things struck me that evening. The first is how comforting it is to speak of the loss of a pet openly and without judgment, which is precisely why Jill created the group.

“Although our society is uncomfortable with the whole topic of death, and certainly doesn’t know how to deal with people who are mourning their pets, at least there are some socially accepted cultural or religious rituals to acknowledge and honor a person’s passing and to offer support to the bereaved family,” she says. The pet loss support group lets us mourn our beloved companions in a supportive environment.

“The mourning pet owner finds that his grief may not be recognized or accepted by society, that it is disenfranchised grief. From well-meaning friends and co-workers he might hear ‘It was just a dog,’ ‘Aren’t you over him yet?’ or ‘Why don’t you just adopt another one from a shelter?’ as if pets are simply interchangeable. Many group attendees admit to experiencing more difficulty recovering from the loss of a pet than from the death of a parent.” - Jill Goodfriend

Monk, a very good cat. He is missed.
The second thing that struck me was how helpful perspective is in the healing process. Another attendee lost his cat Monk earlier this year. Learning about friendly, unflappable Monk reminded me that I’m not alone in missing my pet. Grief doesn’t have to be a solo journey.

Jill brings resources to suit all needs: handouts on self care after loss, help lines, regional pet loss groups, even copies of a book written for bereaved cat owners: Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers by Liz Eastwood. No one leaves without useful information on positive next steps. For instance, Jill felt I might benefit from writing letters to Beeper. (That the prospect unnerves me is probably a clue to its therapeutic, if tearful, value.)

The pet loss support group left me in tears, I admit. After the discussion I missed Beeper more than I’d allowed myself to in years.

Yet I felt unquestionably better: by revisiting my grief I’d reassessed it, an emotional check-in that made it easier to move forward.

Beeper, my very best cat.
If you’re mourning an animal, consider sharing your story at the pet loss support group each third Tuesday of the month from 7-8:30pm. Sharing is not required but the confidentiality rules make it a safe place to do so. The group is run by Jill Goodfriend and Sylvia Wenninger, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and RYT. The group meets at Berkeley Humane, 2700 9th Street. Find out more about the group here.

 
Part two of this series shares recommendations and resources for those who have lost a pet or are readying themselves for the loss.